20When his 19-year-old daughter, Vanessa, announces her engagement to her online girlfriend and requests financial support, OP finds himself in the throes of a family conflict. Despite his initial promise to provide financial aid for her education, OP stands firm in his decision not to fund Vanessa’s move, leading to a tumultuous fallout. With Vanessa cutting off contact, a surprising twist awaits as the family grapples with escalating tension and uncertainty.
The Unexpected Proposal
OP’s 19-year-old daughter, Vanessa, informs him about her girlfriend’s proposal. Vanessa has met her girlfriend online, and their relationship consists mainly of quick weekend visits over a little more than a year. Vanessa is requested to move to her girlfriend’s apartment.
The Mixed Reaction
OP expresses happiness about the proposal, but he also shares his reservations due to the brief duration and online nature of their relationship. He recognizes that Vanessa is an adult capable of making her own decisions. OP chooses to respect her autonomy.
The Monetary Issue
Vanessa asks OP for financial support, much like the monthly $500 stipend that her brother received during college. This stipend allowed her brother to focus on his studies without worrying about living expenses. Vanessa anticipates similar support after moving out.
The Promised Support
OP initially agreed to support Vanessa financially when she decided to attend college, like the arrangement with her brother. However, Vanessa’s unexpected move changes the original plan. The support is supposed to aid education, not her new living situation.
A Change of Plans
Vanessa decides to put college on hold and plans to move in with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend, a 23-year-old IT professional, will provide for them. Vanessa requests a lump sum or a monthly stipend, but she does not intend to use it for educational purposes.
OP refuses to finance Vanessa’s decision, reiterating that the money is reserved for supporting her education. He will contribute financially if Vanessa decides to pursue her education later. He stands firm on his decision, not wanting the funds to be misused.
Accusations and Animosity
Feeling rejected, Vanessa accuses OP of favoritism towards her brother. OP acknowledges his closer relationship with her brother but insists he loves both his children equally. He advises Vanessa to seek employment if she wants to assert her independence.
The Family Fallout
OP and Vanessa have a heated argument, leading to Vanessa abruptly ending the conversation. Vanessa shares the situation with OP’s wife, seeking her support. The family tension begins to escalate.
The Wife’s Standpoint
OP’s wife suggests that they should provide Vanessa with some financial aid. However, OP insists on his belief that Vanessa’s relationship is likely to fail, and the saved funds could serve as an emergency backup. OP’s wife decides to stay out of the escalating situation.
A Perceived Act of Defiance
OP is left to deal with Vanessa’s wrath alone, finding her behavior somewhat entitled. He considers Vanessa to be acting like a spoiled child. He wonders if he is in the wrong for refusing to alter his financial support stipulations.
Vanessa abruptly cuts off contact with OP. She packs her bags and leaves for her girlfriend’s apartment. This sudden move heightens the tension and widens the rift between father and daughter.
Worried and Waiting
OP spends days anxiously waiting for a call or message from Vanessa. He begins to worry about her safety and well-being and wonders if he should track her down. The ongoing silence adds to his stress and concern.
The Inside Scoop
Vanessa’s brother unexpectedly returns home from college. He tries to mediate the situation and reaches out to Vanessa. He finds out that she is living with her girlfriend and has the address should anyone choose to visit.
Vanessa’s brother convinces OP to visit her in person. The two make an unannounced visit to the girlfriend’s apartment. The apartment is a cramped studio packed with cheap furniture, and it’s evident that the couple is struggling financially.
The Olive Branch
OP decides to extend an olive branch and offers Vanessa some temporary financial assistance. He maintains his stand on the educational stipend but wants to ensure his daughter isn’t struggling. Vanessa and her girlfriend are grateful for the help.
Was The Father’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posts his story online for feedback. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:
One reader said, “That stipend was meant for an education for your son, and she isn’t going to school. Why does she deserve an education stipend if she isn’t working on an education?”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “You said you’d give it to her if she went to study. She’s not going to study. You have been consistent in your behavior.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “You keep saying when the relationship fails, which is a disrespectful way to phrase things. A year together before getting engaged is only slightly shorter than average.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “You are merely not giving the same amount of money to her without enforcing the same stipulations that the same amount of money was given to your son under.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a thread from an online forum.