For nearly 15 years after a strenuous divorce, the Original Poster (OP) never wavered in his financial commitments to his daughters. Despite going above and beyond his required support, a clash arises when he chooses to support his now-adult daughters directly rather than through his ex-wife. As tensions escalate, the line between duty and personal boundaries becomes blurred.
Divorce and Time
It’s been 15 years since OP’s divorce from his wife over irreconcilable differences. Now, his daughters are grown, confident young women. They both engage in studies and part-time jobs, displaying their diligence.
The Heavy Burden
After the divorce, OP willingly took on a challenging child support arrangement. The 65/35 split strained his finances. But, regardless of this, he was unyielding in his responsibilities, dedicated to supporting his daughters.
Going Beyond the Call
OP was more than just a paycheck. He paid for an exclusive private school, covered all their healthcare costs and co-pays, and more. His commitment to his daughters’ well-being was evident.
Distance Couldn’t Part Them
Though they lived in different cities, the bond remained strong. OP and his daughters spent holidays together, went on elaborate vacations to Greece and Italy, and attended as many school and sporting events as he could.
Above and Beyond
As his older daughter became an adult, OP’s obligation could have lessened. But he continued to pay support for both children. Three additional years, in fact, for both his daughters as they went to college full-time and held part-time jobs.
The Turning Point
The time came when both girls were adults, and OP ended the direct payments. It was in line with the state law and the end of his official obligation. Yet, things were about to change in their family dynamic.
A Mother’s Demand
Suddenly, OP’s ex-wife transformed. She demanded he continue payments for three more years to adjust to the new income differences. The demand was unexpected, given the absence of such clauses in their divorce agreement.
OP made a decision for his daughters’ benefit. He would continue supporting them, but now directly. Bypassing the ex-wife was his new approach. He had doubts she was being honest and spending his contributions exclusively on the girls.
The ex-wife claimed numerous bills to support the family still needed payment, such as car insurance. However, the girls covered most of their individual expenses, contradicting their mother’s narrative.
A Father’s Frustration
Amidst the claims and counter-claims, OP was overwhelmed. His only desire was to help his daughters. The situation’s complexity left him questioning his choices. Despite the discord, OP’s dedication to supporting his daughters persisted.
A Simple Wish
Amidst the turmoil, OP’s wish was straightforward. He desired to assist his adult daughters directly. His hope was to ensure their well-being without external influence. Was he wrong to want a direct relationship with his daughters?
Throughout the ordeal, OP held his end of the bargain. His record was spotless, always having fulfilled his duties. The challenge now lay in navigating new territory. Their divorce decree was explicit – no obligations for college expenses existed.
A Father’s Reflection
Despite all the challenges, OP questioned whether he was being unreasonable in his approach. It was a delicate balance of duty and personal boundaries. He wanted his daughters to be well cared for.
Toward the Future
With adult daughters and a shifting relationship landscape, OP looked ahead. He hoped to find a path that honored his commitments and respected his desires. The journey, though uncertain, held promise for new understanding.
Was The Man’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posts his story online for feedback and support from the internet community. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “Your ex is saying child support, but she means spousal support. There is no need to pay the middleman when you are paying directly to the source.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “Child support is supposed to be for the needs of the children, not the parent. You did more than your required share and still support your children directly instead of through your ex.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “I get being civil because that’s their mother, but you don’t need to communicate with her, just your kids. If they say they are good and pay for their expenses, their mom is trying to take advantage of you.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “Room and board for two full adults can be a lot. And even if they’re living in college dorms, if she must maintain two additional bedrooms to house them on breaks and keep their things, then it’s reasonable to want some help with that additional cost.”