In a twist of friendships and living situations, the Original Poster (OP) purchases a new property, setting off unforeseen consequences with her long-time roommate. The secret purchase leads to confrontations, damaged relationships, and impending eviction, testing the bonds of their eight-year friendship to its breaking point.
The Property Purchase
OP finalizes the purchase of a new property, a process made challenging by her bank’s tough mortgage conditions. OP had weathered this storm alone, proud of this big move but hesitant to share the news.
The news is kept secret from OP’s current roommate due to both uncertainty about the purchase’s completion and a personal preference for withholding premature announcements. This is a decision that will have unforeseen consequences.
The Unraveling Friendship
The roommate, also a friend of 8 years, receives the news poorly. Despite a well-intentioned surprise, the roommate accuses OP of withholding vital information, thus damaging their relationship.
Sweets To Dull The Pain
OP had decided to share her exciting news with her roommate with cupcakes. The cupcakes end up thrown across the room in a fit of anger from her roommate, who isn’t happy about being left in the dark.
The Unjust Expectations
OP argues that they were under no obligation to disclose the home-buying process earlier. The roommate’s reaction, OP believes, validates her initial instincts to keep the purchase private.
It’s Not That Bad
OP assures the roommate that she will have 30 days to find new living arrangements, avoiding any financial harm. She insists that this arrangement should be plenty of time to work out her living arrangements.
No Homelessness Imminent
OP clarifies that the roommate is not about to lose her home; they only need to find a new roommate to replace OP. This should provide a level of relief, but it does little to dull the rising tension.
The Leasing Confusion
Amid the chaos, OP realizes her existing lease expired last month. She even discovers that they have the option to keep the rent stable for another two years. She is now on a month-to-month lease until moving into her new home.
OP also realized that her roommate could lock her rate in. All she has to do is find a new roommate. This lifted off a lot of the guilt she had felt about telling her with such little time to spare.
The Prior Discomfort
OP reveals that the roommate had made her feel uncomfortable in their home, even before the current fallout. Pointing to multiple instances of boundary violations, it becomes clear that the friendship and living arrangement had plenty of issues.
Friend Or Foe
Although they had been friends for eight years, sharing a home has made for a toxic environment for OP. She fears that this has ruined their friendship for good.
The Great Escape
The purchased property, it seems, was an escape from this toxic environment and a welcome relief for OP. She was ready for a fresh start away from the life of a renter.
The Consequences of Secrecy
While the roommate’s reaction is certainly volatile, questions arise about OP’s secretive actions. Despite OP’s justification, the community begins to question whether transparency would have led to a more positive outcome.
Was Buying A Home Without Telling Her Roommate Appropriate?
The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:
One reader said, “39 days from finding out you have to move to be homeless is not long enough unless there’s no other option! You could have told your roommate ages ago. Knowing wouldn’t have affected you in any way, but it would have allowed her to look around for options.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote: “She probably felt betrayed. That’s pretty major news to keep secret from your roommate and supposed friend.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person states, “Everywhere I’ve ever lived, it’s standard to give a month’s notice when moving out. I’m not saying that it won’t be stressful for your roommate, I’ve been in those situations before, and it super sucks, but also, your roommate is reacting excessively. Throwing things across the room because you’re moving out? Yikes.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another viewpoint on the story: “Buying a place of your own is a huge milestone, and it would be normal to share this, both as a friend and because it will have a direct impact on their life. That doesn’t mean you have to take them on every step of the journey with you, but you could have gently set their expectations so you didn’t shock them and make them feel like you’d pulled the rug out from under them.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a thread from an online forum.