She's a Talented Doctor Who Wants to Have It All, But When She Makes It Clear to Her Partner That Her Work Comes First, It Pushes Him to the Brink.

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In the heart of a passionate relationship, a 32-year-old obstetrician, the Original Poster (OP), finds herself in the throes of an escalating conflict with her partner over her demanding job and its precedence over their relationship.

New Beginnings

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OP, a 32-year-old obstetrician, recently moved in with her 32-year-old partner. Moving in together was a significant change in their relationship, yet due to OP’s demanding job, they don’t see each other as often as typical couples do.

The Joke That Bites

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One day, the partner jokingly suggested that OP’s job seemed more important to her than him. While it was a mere joke, it carried an undertone of serious dissatisfaction. This unexpected remark stunned OP, who previously thought he had been content in their relationship.

The Unfiltered Response

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In response to the partner’s “joke,” OP, unable to control her usual composure, admitted that her job, indeed, was more important. As it came out, she knew it was harsh, but she also knew that it was the truth.

As If It Couldn’t Be Any Worse

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She explained that being involved with a medical professional required understanding the demanding nature of the job. This remark made things worse, triggering an argument between them.

The Argument

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Her partner expressed hurt and argued that he shouldn’t feel secondary to OP’s job. He stated that it was unfair to him that she was always at work, leaving him alone. The disagreement spotlighted their different expectations and values concerning OP’s work-life balance.

Second Place

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OP’s partner had always valued and appreciated her work and had previously been very understanding. However, being put in second place made him second guess where he stood with his partner.

The Guilt and Doubt

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Although OP remained convinced about the necessity of her job taking precedence, she began to feel a twinge of guilt for stating it so bluntly. This guilt, however, didn’t necessarily mean she regretted her choice.

Watch Your Tone

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It was more about the method of delivery for her partner, which she did understand. She took some time to reflect on how to express her feelings toward her job.

The Understood Premise

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OP felt slightly sidelined, as her partner was aware of her demanding job and the constraints it imposed before they decided to live together. This twist suggested that the partner’s complaint might stem from a different underlying issue.

The Denial

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In the midst of their dispute, the partner denied acknowledging the reality of OP’s profession. This denial underlined the depth of his feelings of neglect but also made OP question his understanding of her profession. The twist sparked an increasing complexity in the narrative.

The Question of Fairness

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The partner accused OP of being unfair in her devotion to her work. He implied a lack of consideration on her part, accusing her of not making enough effort to balance her professional and personal life.

The Inevitable Confrontation

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The intervention led to an inevitable confrontation between OP and her partner, compelling them to address the elephant in the room. The conversation was intense, with raw emotions and previously unspoken issues finally coming to light.

Where To Go From Here?

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OP is left to acknowledge how she made her partner feel. However, at the end of the day, she knows that she won’t be able to put her career second. Will this forever affect her relationships in the future?

Was Telling Her Partner That Her Job Was More Important Appropriate?

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The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:

Forum Responds

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One reader said, “ I also don’t know where you got this idea that your partner should just take a willing backseat to your job. Sure, the hours are demanding, but telling your partner you prioritize your work over them sounds so mean-spirited and certainly tells your partner where they stand in your mind.”

Another Commenter Thinks

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Another responder wrote: “ I would think that anyone that dates a doctor that sees patients at a hospital at any time would understand that.”

A Third View on The Story

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A different person states, “He was seeking reassurance that he matters to you, and the implication of your words was that not only was your job more important, but that you actually enjoy your work more than you care about him.”

A Final Perspective on the Matter

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Another viewpoint on the story: “You should really have discussed this prior to moving in as your partner should have been made aware they would never be your priority. You both need to sit down and discuss what your expectations are in the relationship.”