She Cared for Her Brother As If She Were His Nurse, But Her Mother's Reaction to Her Moving Out Took Everyone by Surprise.

Twitter Facebook Pinterest LinkedIn Flip it

In an intricate dance between love, duty, and personal aspirations, the Original Poster (OP) grapples with her role as a caregiver for her ailing brother while juggling college and a relationship.

Unconventional Bonds

middle age mother talking to stressed young daughter — image credit: fizkes/shutterstock

OP and her mother share a strained relationship, despite the underlying love. Their interaction isn’t like a typical mother-daughter bond. She is often seen as a caretaker to her other child before a daughter.

Absent Father

Angry senior male with gray hair father — image credit: kucher-av/shutterstock

The tension between OP and her mother is exacerbated by the absence of OP’s father, who left when her younger brother was diagnosed with a debilitating genetic disorder. This left OP’s mom to pick up the pieces and be responsible for finding her son’s care.

The Young Warrior

male thinking huh — image credit: cast-of-thousands/shutterstock

OP’s brother has Sanfilippo syndrome, a condition that severely deteriorates the brain and nervous system over time. Despite the typical life expectancy of 10-20 years for this condition.

To Make Matters Worse

young woman stressed teenager girl — image credit: paulik/shutterstock

Despite the typical diagnosis already being devastating, her brother’s health has deteriorated more rapidly than anticipated. Now completely dependent on care, he cannot walk, talk, or take care of his basic needs. This leaves OP and her mom with quite the burden to bear.

Double Duty

woman reading a book — image credit: dean drobot/canva

OP attends college four days a week, and her tuition is funded by her mother. This comes with the condition that OP must live at home and care for her brother in her spare time.

Full On Caretaker

woman sad upset — image credit: icon8-photos/canva

She is not trained as a nurse but must perform a range of exhaustive tasks to look after her ailing brother. This includes things like catheterizing him, constantly monitoring his vitals, keeping notes of his medications, and more.

The Struggles of Balancing Act

worried young woman thinkng nervous — image credit: fizkes/shutterstock

Taking care of her brother while pursuing college studies proves incredibly challenging for OP. Her grades are suffering, and she finds herself on the brink of failure. She is always exhausted, juggling between being a caregiver and a student.

The Anchor

couple happy together holding hands staring — image credit: roman-samborskyi/shutterstock

OP has been in a steady relationship with her boyfriend for three years. In a moment of excitement and perhaps desperation for change, he proposes they move in together. She agrees, forgetting to discuss this decision with her mother beforehand.

The Silent Burden

sad young woman nervous thinking about relationships personal problems — image credit: asti-mak/shutterstock

Fatigue has become OP’s constant companion, often making her fall asleep at parties, in class, or on public transport. The effect on her mental and physical health becomes more evident, but the unspoken rule of the house prevents her from voicing her struggles.

Guilt Trip

young woman student looks pensively upwards thinking — image credit: cast-of-thousands/shutterstock

The guilt of potentially leaving her mother alone with her brother’s care makes her question herself. Moving out feels like an incredible opportunity for OP to get to focus on school and herself for once. She decides to share the news with her mother.

The Fallout

mother daughter fighting argue yelling — image credit:pixelshot canva

OP’s announcement about moving out is met with intense anger from her mother. The prospect of caring for her brother alone is daunting and anger-inducing for her mother. As a result, her mother threatens to cut off her tuition if OP moves out.

The Impossible Decision

woman undecided huh what — image credit: dean-drobot/canva

OP is stuck in a difficult position, forced to decide between staying at home or losing her tuition. If she stays, her academic performance is likely to worsen due to the unrelenting caregiver responsibilities. On the other hand, if she leaves, she risks her education by losing her source of college funding.

Seeking Advice

group thoughts idea social media phones — image credit: dean-drobot/canva

OP decides to post to an online forum for advice on the situation to validate her feelings or show her if she is wrong. Most see her side of the story as valid. Others argue that she needed to give her mom a warning and help her find other care that would have been more appropriate.

Was Moving Away From Her Family Appropriate?

pretty young woman shrug shoulders, looks uncertain and confused young doubts huh — image credit: cast-of-thousands/shutterstock

The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:

Forum Responds

unsatisfied on computer — image: shotprime/canva

One reader said, “I’m so sorry your brother was dealt this hand in life. It’s understandable that your mom is upset. However, she has placed an undue burden on you. One that should never have been placed.”

Another Commenter Thinks

Shocked frustrated couple getting bad unexpected surprising news, staring at laptop screen social media — image credit: fizkes/shutterstock

Another responder wrote: “Your mom can’t expect you to help out with your brother the rest of your life. You have your own life and, later, your own family to take care of. If she can’t do it alone, she needs to look for help from professionals.”

A Third View on The Story

sad woman feeling tired worried about problem sitting on sofa with laptop stressed depressed teen girl — image credit: fizkes/shutterstock

A different person states, “The entire situation sucks, and I am sorry, but she cannot depend solely on you. Unfortunately, she will probably withdraw paying for your college, and that sucks, but it might be better off getting student loans and passing than taking money from her and failing because you’re exhausted.”