Man Finds a Hidden Bunker on His New Property and Turns It Into a Man Cave, But His Wife’s Has an Alternative Suggestion For How to Use the Space.
A tale of familial legacy and marital discord unravels when the Original Poster (OP) moves into his grandfather’s eccentric home and uncovers a secretive bunker. This personal sanctuary soon becomes the epicenter of a marital crisis, as OP’s wife voices her resentment towards his increasing time in the bunker, resulting in a heartbreaking confrontation that questions their shared responsibilities and individual freedoms.
A Grandfather’s Legacy
OP’s grandfather, a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, built a bunker in anticipation of a nuclear apocalypse, convinced that he was being watched by both the KGB and the CIA. This man, considered eccentric by many, was an enigma in the community. When OP’s father inherits the property, he generously offers it to OP and his newly-formed family.
The House of Two Worlds
Moving into his grandfather’s house, OP discovers the long-rumored, hidden bunker. The bunker becomes his secret lair, a private sanctuary completely separate from the main household. As time progresses, OP remodels the bunker into a personalized space, equipping it with state-of-the-art computers, gaming consoles, and other tech gadgetry, all while leading a seemingly normal family life above ground.
The Transformation
With the onset of the pandemic, the bunker evolves from an oddity into OP’s personal “man cave.” It becomes a place for him to escape, where he can game, tinker with computers, and work remotely. This unique setting becomes a topic of fascination among friends, children, and especially his nephews.
Tensions Surface
As OP spends more time in the bunker, his wife starts expressing concerns about his increasing distance from her and their child. She is pregnant again and fears being left alone to manage everything. OP assures her of his commitment but continues his daily sojourns to the bunker.
The Accusation
Despite his promises, OP’s wife accuses him of neglect and threatens to seal the bunker entrance. She fears that OP’s obsession with the bunker could lead him to miss the birth of their next child. OP is torn between his familial duties and his attachment to his secret sanctuary.
The Bunker Routine
OP reveals that he spends a significant portion of his day in the bunker, justifying it as his workspace. He maintains a steady work schedule and ensures to stay in touch with his team. Despite these efforts, tension continues to mount in his marriage.
The Misunderstanding
The community’s curiosity piques when OP shares his story, with many questioning his choice of words and approach. OP takes the feedback seriously, aiming to improve his communication, particularly with his wife. This period marks a potential turning point in their relationship.
The Heart-to-Heart
OP initiates a much-needed dialogue with his wife to understand her feelings better. The conversation is intense and reveals deep-seated emotions that have been building up in their relationship. The fallout results in OP spending the night in the spare room.
The Revelations
His wife reveals feelings of isolation and monotony, sharing that she hasn’t felt like her own person since her first pregnancy. She talks about her resentment towards the bunker and her longing for her own space, where she can read and pursue her interests. The conversation uncovers the deep disparity in their personal freedoms and experiences.
The Disconnect
OP’s wife points out that while he can retreat to his bunker and disconnect from the world, she’s left to deal with the responsibilities of raising a child and managing the household alone. She talks about her forgotten passion for reading novels and her disappointment with the electronic alternatives OP had provided. The conversation forces OP to confront his inability to understand his wife’s needs.
The Writer’s Block
His wife reveals her desire to write again, questioning when she would have the time and whether OP would be willing to read her drafts. Her yearning to reignite her passion for writing adds another layer of conflict in their relationship. The discussion also leads to the suggestion of bringing their son into the bunker for a few hours each day.
The Changes Ahead
OP commits to moving his gaming consoles into the house and sets up a system to stream games from his PC to their TV. He also agrees to regular dates outside the house and taking on more household responsibilities. These actions signal a change in OP’s perspective and approach to his marital and familial duties.
The Journey Ahead
With a plan in place, OP and his wife embark on a journey to strengthen their relationship and restore balance in their family life. Acknowledging the need for change, they look forward to working together to build a healthier and happier family dynamic. The story ends with a promise of hope and mutual understanding, leaving room for growth and improvement in the future.
Was The Man’s Behavior Appropriate?
The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:
Forum Responded
One reader said, “Where is your wife’s bunker equivalent, and how many hours per week does she get in that space vs. you in your bunker?
Way to go putting 100% of the mental load on your wife in no uncertain terms.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote: “Being part of the family includes physically being there. Or at least in shouting distance.
You get your man cave alone time; does she get any alone time, not just away from you but including from the child and general household upkeep?”
A Third View on The Story
A different person states, “Do you even like your wife? I’m pretty done with men claiming to be active parents when really, the bare minimum is being done.
Your wife is pregnant, and you’re relying on her to take the full mental load at home while you get away time? Do you not see how insanely selfish that is, especially in comparison to everything she is going through?”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another viewpoint on the story: “Why is your wife the de-facto house manager in charge of determining when all the tasks need to be done? Do you realize how much mental energy it takes to run everything yourself?
She shouldn’t have to ask for you to participate in your family.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a Reddit thread.
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