In an emotional whirlwind, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband, on the precipice of adopting their long-term foster son, unexpectedly discover they’re pregnant. As they grapple with the harrowing reality that they can’t financially support both children, they face a heartbreaking decision that could tear their foster son from his only chance at a stable home.
A Hopeful Beginning
OP and her husband, having faced fertility challenges, turn towards fostering as an alternative. After various instances, they find themselves fostering a spirited 9-year-old boy who demands their time, energy, and finances. After two years, they start considering adoption as the child’s case plan suggests it.
An Unexpected Discovery
Just when they are embarking on the adoption process, OP discovers that she is pregnant. Despite being over 40 and believing she was entering menopause, she finds herself 12 weeks pregnant. The news, coming as a surprise, changes their plans significantly.
A Painful Dilemma
The joyous news soon turns bitter as OP and her husband realize that they can’t financially or emotionally support both children. The harsh reality sets in that they have to choose between their foster son and their unborn child. The thought of terminating the pregnancy is unbearable for both OP and her husband.
A Forced Decision
Regrettably, OP and her husband decide to refuse the adoption. This decision comes with the painful awareness that they are possibly removing their foster son from a stable home. His dreams of adoption get shattered, not due to his fault, but because of their circumstances.
Innocent Dreams Broken
Adding to the tragedy, their foster son is aware of the adoption plans through his therapist and social worker. His hopes of finally having a forever family are abruptly cut short. His future hangs in the balance, and OP questions the morality of their decision.
A Silver Lining for the Unborn
The baby passes the prenatal tests successfully, creating a sense of relief and joy for the expectant parents. This positive news strengthens their bond with the unborn child. Still, the guilt of choosing one child over the other lingers.
The Financial Conundrum
Financially, they are stuck in a catch-22 situation: they don’t qualify for assistance with both working, but quitting would make their current living arrangement unaffordable. Managing appointments for two children while both working also seems daunting. The struggle to find a solution escalates.
They currently reside in a 2-bedroom condo, which isn’t spacious enough for both children as per social services requirements. The search for a larger place within the county begins, but high property prices create a roadblock. The clock is ticking, with a deadline set by social services for January.
Doubts and Guilt
OP is overwhelmed with guilt and uncertainty. The dilemma of choosing between their foster son and their unborn child grows more intense. They are stuck in a situation where every decision seems wrong.
Searching for Solutions
OP and her husband start exploring other alternatives, looking for a way out of their predicament. They consider seeking help from family and friends, but the road to a resolution seems long and arduous. Every potential solution presents another set of challenges.
A Possible Way Out
They stumble upon a potential solution: a family friend who has expressed interest in adopting before. The thought of their foster son being adopted by someone they know and trust brings a glimmer of hope. However, they are unsure how their foster son and the family friend would react to this proposition.
A Tough Conversation
They decide to speak with their foster son about the situation. It is a difficult and emotional conversation, filled with tears and frustration. The foster son reacts with a mix of anger, sadness, and understanding, making the situation even more complicated.
After talking to their foster son, they reach out to their family friend about the possibility of adoption. While the friend is shocked at the unexpected proposal, they are open to the idea. They agree to meet their foster son and discuss the possibility further.
Meeting with the Friend
The meeting between the foster son and the potential adoptive parent does not turn out to be smooth. The son is a bit anxious and acts out, making the friend doubt this route is a smart decision. This development does not help ease the anxiety that OP and her husband have been feeling.
The Birth of Their Child
The expected birth of their child offers a joyous hope for OP and her husband. It’s a new chapter in their lives, filled with hope, joy, and new beginnings. Despite the challenging journey they are navigating, as they understand this challenge, they look forward to their own child being born.
The Unresolved Future
Sadly, the couple does not have a strategy for what will happen to their foster son once their newborn comes home, and they won’t legally be allowed to maintain their status as foster parents due to the limitations of their home. They are saddened by the thought of him going ‘back into the system,’ but they hope for the best and don’t know what the future will bring.
Was The Couple’s Decision Appropriate?
The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter. Here are some of their responses:
One reader said, “I cannot comprehend the damage you will be doing if you essentially tell this child now that you no longer want him.
What if you were having twins? You’d make it work, right? So try harder to make this work.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote: “Unexpected family additions happen all the time. Yours is just one of the more unusual ones and will just require a bit more maneuvering and sacrifice on your part. Welcome to parenthood.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person states, “Talk to your caseworker. Cry. Do not immediately surrender this child. GoFundMe. Ask for help. Get your family involved.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another viewpoint on the story: “When you took him in with the intent to adopt and made him aware of this, you essentially became his parents, and regardless of what issues you’re facing now with a new baby, as his parents, it’s your job to figure it out and make it work just like any other parent has to in difficult times.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a Reddit thread.
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