The Original Poster (OP) grapples with the deep-seated complexities of her father’s drinking problem, which she typically keeps private. However, when her future mother-in-law defies her wishes by inviting him to an engagement party, the evening takes a tumultuous turn that neither she nor the attendees could have foreseen.
OP acknowledges her father’s numerous faults, maintaining a level of privacy around their interactions. Despite his flaws, she has created mechanisms to handle their relationship. This way, she shields herself from any potential harm from him.
A Life-Changing Question
OP’s fiance proposes to her, filling her with joy and anticipation. She eagerly accepts, deciding to share the news privately with her father. Over dinner, they celebrate her upcoming marriage, keeping the atmosphere controlled.
The future mother-in-law (FMIL) expresses her desire to host an engagement party. OP agrees but with a caveat: she wishes for her father not to attend. Explaining the complexities of their relationship, she secures FMIL’s agreement.
Despite OP’s request, FMIL opts to intervene, believing she can mend the strained relationship. To OP’s shock, her father is at the party. Alcohol, which has often been a trigger, is in abundance.
Dining with Discipline
Recalling a prior dinner with her father, OP had strategically selected an alcohol-free venue. By doing so, she ensures his car’s breathalyzer doesn’t halt their evening plans, revealing a history of alcohol-related incidents.
Spotting her father at the engagement party, alarm bells ring for OP. When confronting her FMIL, she’s met with an expectation to embrace her father on such a significant occasion. To maintain peace, OP approaches her father, who, elated by the invitation, vows good behavior.
Given her father’s unpredictable nature, OP prepares an escape route. Informing her fiance of a potential need to depart abruptly, she ensures he understands the severity. He, fully aware of her father’s history, supports her decision.
At the start, her father maintains composure. But as wine circulates, restraint wanes. OP’s stern glances and silent pleas go unheeded as he succumbs to the lure of alcohol.
As more alcohol flows, her father’s cheerful facade begins to crack. Recognizing the impending storm, OP signals her fiance. Making up a stomach bug, they promptly exit, evading the imminent chaos.
In their absence, her father’s actions spiral out of control. What started as mild inebriation culminates in him disgracing himself publicly, leaving an indelible mark on the evening.
FMIL’s fury knows no bounds, placing the blame squarely on OP’s shoulders. She argues her ignorance of the father’s drinking problem, to which OP retorts, highlighting the deceit in inviting him against her wishes.
Aftermath of the Affair
Post-event, OP’s father is overcome with shame and regret. While he grapples with his public humiliation, OP battles feelings of desensitization, rendered numb by the entire ordeal.
Anger and Embarrassment
OP grapples with a range of emotions, from anger towards FMIL’s deceit to deep-seated embarrassment over the public incident. The engagement party, meant to be a joyous occasion, becomes a traumatic memory.
Venting the Vexation
Seeking solace and understanding, OP takes to an online platform. Pouring out her frustrations, she seeks validation, hoping others will empathize with her desire for privacy regarding her father’s issues.
Was Letting Her Father Cause A Huge Scene Appropriate?
The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “I can’t stand people that won’t respect boundaries around family. You didn’t want him there and didn’t need to tell her why in detail. You didn’t embarrass her. She did it to herself by deciding she knew better than you.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote: “It’s 100% her fault for inviting someone you gave CLEAR instructions not to. I’m sorry this happened, but I hope you have a wonderful wedding.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person states, “Sounds like MIL has led a pretty entitled life with little hardship. As others have said, I’d be very worried about what a lifetime looks like with her, especially if you have kids. Your fiance needs to be the enforcer of your hard rules moving forward.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another viewpoint on the story: “You saved your future mother-in-law the embarrassment of your father by politely telling her not to invite him. She disregarded that.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a thread from an online forum.