When the Original Poster (OP) is asked to be a part of their brother’s wedding party, they’re initially elated. However, the gender-specific dress code poses a personal dilemma, clashing with OP’s non-binary identity. Family tensions escalate to a boiling point, culminating in a highly charged family meeting that leaves OP with an agonizing choice.
OP’s brother is getting married soon, and the future sister-in-law asks OP to be part of the bridal party as a gesture of good faith and family unity. OP is initially thrilled at the opportunity to participate in the joyous occasion but hesitant about the traditional role.
The Dress Code Dilemma
However, excitement turns to discomfort when the dress code is revealed. OP is informed that the dress code for the bridal party is gender-specific. Women are expected to wear peach chiffon A-line dresses, and men to wear black-and-white suits.
The Gender Question
As a non-binary individual with a more masculine presentation, OP feels uneasy with this demand. They haven’t worn a dress since they were a little good and forced to for special occasions.
OP approaches the brother and future sister-in-law with concerns about the dress code. The couple stands firm on their decision, insisting that the dress code is non-negotiable for all guests. OP is disappointed but resolute.
Facing a clash between personal identity and family obligations, OP decides not to attend the wedding. The sense of discomfort outweighs the emotional ties to the family event. The choice is final but not easy.
The brother and future sister-in-law react strongly, accusing OP of being difficult and uncompromising. The atmosphere grows tense as the couple’s wedding plans hit an unexpected snag. Their relationship with OP is strained.
Mother Gets Involved
Unbeknownst to OP, the brother and fiancée consult their mother about the situation. She is brought into the loop behind OP’s back. OP’s mother calls and suggests putting aside personal identity for just one day to make the wedding special for the younger brother.
The Emotional Toll
OP’s mother stresses the importance of family and tradition. The conflict takes an emotional toll on OP as the issue is not just about a dress or a suit; it’s about personal identity. The weight of the family’s disapproval makes it even heavier.
The Rift Revealed
OP didn’t anticipate that a matter as seemingly trivial as clothing would cause such a rift in the family. OP had revealed her gender identity and preferences a couple of years ago, and her family had seemed accepting and accommodating at the time.
The Silent Struggle
OP struggles with the internal conflict between wanting to be supportive and participate in the brother’s wedding but not at the cost of personal integrity. It’s a silent battle, one fought mainly within the confines of OP’s own mind.
Time ticks on, drawing closer to the date of the impending wedding. Decisions must be finalized, and OP must reckon with the consequences, whatever they may be. Should they conform to the requirement or sit in the audience instead?
The Family Meeting
Eventually, the family gathers to discuss the matter at dinner, which is still unresolved. Tensions run high as each member stakes their claim in the ongoing dispute. Everyone is walking on eggshells, not knowing how to correctly address the elephant in the room.
OP makes the difficult decision, taking a stand for personal identity over conforming to family expectations. As the wedding date looms, they are left with an unsettling question: Was it worth it? But there is no straightforward answer.
Was The Bridemaid’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posts the story online for feedback and perspective on the decision before them. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “It is fine for them to dictate the formality of the wedding. It is not fine for them to dictate your preferred gender expression.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “Dress codes are things like ‘cocktail,’ ‘black tie,’ or ‘semi-formal.’ They’re not ‘people we decide are men must wear pants, and people we decide are women must wear dresses.’ Your brother and his fiancée are being queerphobic, and it’s fine to absent yourself from such an event.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “I wonder how they would feel if you were getting married and told all your cisgender guests to put aside their identity for one day. Would your brother wear a dress because you asked him to?”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “I don’t feel like the responses you’re getting are from people who understand the nuance here. Their policy is ridiculous, and I assume they made it purposefully exclusionary towards you.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a thread from an online forum.