The Original Poster (OP) navigates the challenges of being a successful female User Interface (UI) developer, constantly overshadowed by traditionalist parents who champion her brother’s conventional career. When misfortune strikes the family, leaving them on the brink of financial ruin, the parents turn to OP for salvation. With the weight of past resentments and present-day dilemmas, OP must make a pivotal decision.
OP’s parents misunderstood her passion for technology as simply “playing on the computer.” Being a female UI developer, her parents deemed the industry unfit for her. Meanwhile, they constantly praised her brother’s conventional job as a bank teller.
The Brother’s Prestige
OP’s parents proudly speak of their son, the “banker,” to their acquaintances. This often left OP feeling overshadowed and underappreciated. Their explicit gender biases were evident in how they valued their son’s profession over hers.
The Unending Comparisons
Although OP excelled in academics and sports, surpassing her brother in many areas, her achievements were frequently dismissed. The parents’ favoritism leaned toward the son solely because of his gender. This disparity in recognition created a rift between OP and her parents.
The Pressure to Conform
Reaching her late twenties, OP faced increasing pressure from her parents regarding marriage. They couldn’t understand her priorities and choices. The emotional distance grew, leading OP to limit her interactions with them.
The Surprise Layoff
Tragedy struck the family when OP’s father lost his job amidst company layoffs. This sudden job loss affected their financial stability greatly. A series of health problems besieged the father not long after, adding to their challenges.
The Mother’s Struggles
With her limited English proficiency, OP’s mother found it difficult to secure a job. She had never worked before, making the prospects even grimmer. The family’s financial foundation started to crumble.
The Looming Mortgage
The parents’ house, still mortgaged, became a financial burden they could not bear. At the risk of losing their home, desperation and anxiety took over. The monthly expenses amounted to a daunting $1,800, a figure they could not meet.
Recognizing the financial crisis, the brother began to contribute. He offered a rent of $400 each month to help with the expenses. However, this amount barely scratched the surface of their massive monthly obligations.
A Plea for Help
In their dire state, OP’s parents turned to her, hoping for financial assistance. Given her six-figure income, they expected her to bridge the gaping deficit. They desperately sought her aid to stave off potential homelessness.
Haunted by the Past
However, years of feeling undervalued and sidelined surfaced in OP’s mind. The longstanding bitterness from being treated as a second-class family member held her back. She was torn between helping and addressing her unresolved emotions.
A Suggestion Rebuffed
OP suggested that they increase the rent charged to her brother. She believed he could contribute more to alleviate the situation. But her parents quickly dismissed the idea, citing his need to enjoy life with his girlfriend.
Drawing the Line
Exasperated, OP finally decided against providing financial help. She believed her parents needed to find their own solutions. This decision further widened the chasm between them, leading to heightened tensions.
OP’s refusal was met with anger and disbelief by her parents. They felt she owed them assistance, citing their role in raising her. Their resentment only intensified the animosity that had been festering for years.
The Brother’s Dilemma
Caught in the middle, the brother faced the pressure of his family’s expectations. He grappled with his own responsibilities and the mounting family crisis. His situation became even more complicated with a girlfriend to consider.
Despite the family pressure and emotional turmoil, OP remained firm in her decision. She believed her choice was a culmination of years of discrimination and neglect. Resentments bubbled to the surface, revealing deep-seated issues.
A Future Uncertain
With no immediate solution, the family’s future hung in the balance. The looming mortgage, mounting bills, and emotional estrangements painted a bleak picture. They faced the daunting task of navigating these troubled waters.
Was The Daughter’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posted her story online for validation and support from the internet community. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “I say as someone who did make pretty steep sacrifices to keep my dad alive when he had a stroke – no, you don’t owe them that, but you may reconsider later in life when it is too late.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “Your brother has a girlfriend, so he can’t pay rent? Okay, well then, they are choosing this. That is solely on them. Tell them you wouldn’t feel right having money from a job they disapprove of paying their bills.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “So, their mentality about your field of work hasn’t changed. Their son still lives with them and only pays $400 in rent but works as a teller at the bank. They need to take responsibility for their decisions.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “Offer to look at your dad’s resume, help your mom make a resume, and suggest that they look for a roommate to reduce housing expenses. Tell your parents there are groups to help displaced people or people new to the workforce. Offer to help with EBT or Medicaid applications. Don’t offer actual money, though.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on their actions?
What would you have done in this situation?
This story is inspired by a thread from an online forum.