The Original Poster (OP) faces a confluence of love, cultural traditions, and personal sacrifices as she navigates her relationship. Torn between her family’s expectations and her partner’s financial philosophies, OP views the engagement ring as the symbol of their shared journey, leaving readers wondering: will love truly conquer all?
The Future Beckons
OP and her boyfriend, after two years together, begin to talk about their future together. Both love each other deeply and are pondering marriage and starting a family. The main contention, however, revolves around an engagement ring.
Miles Between Them
Their relationship has always been a long-distance one. OP has put in all the effort, driving ten hours round trip every time they meet. Their commitment to each other, despite the distance, is evident.
The Cultural Divide
Six months ago, the topic of a dowry, crucial in OP’s Muslim culture, emerged. It almost split them apart, as he was uncomfortable with the sizable amount. In a tough decision, OP told her family there would be no dowry, straining her family ties.
An Absent Father and Fractured Bonds
OP’s decision to forgo the dowry strained her relationship with her mother and brother. She already lacked a bond with her father. The situation took a toll, given her deep attachment to her family and cultural traditions.
Dreams of a Grand Wedding
When OP asked what type of wedding they would have, her fiancé hesitated, expressing his disdain for large ceremonies, seeing them as needless expenses. Upon talking further, it became evident that her fiancé didn’t even want a small ceremony and wanted to forgo the entire event.
Another Sacrifice Made
For OP, her culture’s weddings were grand and integral to her dreams, especially wanting her mother to be proud. She always wanted a large wedding, but ultimately, they settled on an elopement.
The Big Move
The fiancé invited OP to move in, meaning she must leave her cherished job. She eventually found a position in a field she had left behind, taking a significant pay cut. All these sacrifices were made in the name of love.
A Ring’s Promise
With her sacrifices in mind, OP requested a two-carat engagement ring priced around $30,000. Given his higher earnings and debt-free status, she believed this to be a fair ask. He initially seemed to agree, setting her expectations.
Two days after moving in, OP’s fiancé sought her preferences on rings. When she told him what she wanted and told him the price, he was taken aback. Though capable of affording it, he deemed the expense extravagant.
Disbelief and Disappointment
OP was shattered, having believed they were on the same page. She had relinquished her job, uprooted her life, and committed to a job she despised, all for their future. The only thing she’d asked for in return seemed to be in jeopardy.
The Price of Love
OP acknowledges the ring’s high cost, being financially astute herself. Even so, she’s ready to make further compromises in their joint future expenses to make this work. Not one to sit back, OP offered to assist him in finding ways to recover the ring’s cost.
A Helping Hand
OP suggests strategies for additional income, showcasing her commitment to their shared future. After all her concessions, this single request stands out, casting a shadow over their shared journey.
Torn Between Two Worlds
OP struggles with her cultural traditions and the sacrifices she’s made for love. While her fiancé perceives the ring as an unnecessary luxury, she views it as a symbol of commitment and reciprocation.
Bridging the Gap
It becomes imperative for the couple to communicate, understand each other’s perspectives, and find common ground. OP weighs her numerous sacrifices against her single request, wondering if the ring is disproportionate given all she’s given up.
Was The Woman’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posts her story online, seeking objective feedback and new perspectives from the internet community. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “In case no one ever told you: You deserve to be happy and have your needs met. This man is not the one to build your future with. You have given up everything, and he doesn’t seem to care.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “These two people are wildly incompatible, and the only reason this relationship has lasted as long as it has is that the OP is willing to bend over backward to make this work.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “$30,000 for a ring is exorbitant. Take a step back and think about that. Think about what that amount of money means to most of the world. It’s honestly grotesque, no matter how you justify it.”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “You keep repeatedly giving up your dreams and wants for him. You dreamed of a large wedding – he doesn’t want that, so you gave that up. You have a job you love – he wants you where he is, so you gave that up. You expected a dowry to match up with your culture – he didn’t like that, so you gave that up, too.”