The Original Poster (OP), a 64-year-old diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, faces a heart-wrenching decision about his will. With a successful daughter and a selfless son who sacrificed education for caregiving, he must navigate familial expectations and find a fair division of his assets. But when he reveals his intentions, unexpected backlash challenges his choices.
The Harsh Reality
OP, a 64-year-old man, is grappling with a Stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. He recognizes that his time is limited, possibly less than a year. In this vulnerable state, he reflects on his family, particularly the divergent paths of his adult children.
A Daughter’s Ambition
OP’s daughter, aged 30, has followed in the family tradition, pursuing a career in dermatology. Her determination was evident as she juggled multiple jobs and sought scholarships, all while OP tried to support her tuition costs. Today, she is successful, earning a substantial salary and living debt-free.
A Son’s Sacrifice
Conversely, OP’s 26-year-old son chose a different route, forgoing further education to care for his ailing mother diagnosed with leukemia. This caregiving role extended to OP when he fell ill. The son worked minimum wage jobs, prioritizing family care over personal ambitions.
Gratitude and Responsibility
Feeling a profound sense of gratitude and responsibility, OP decided to make a significant gesture in his will. He intends to leave his son the family home, possessions, the car, and 80% of his remaining money. He hopes that this will enable his son to pursue an education.
A Daughter’s Inheritance
OP plans to leave his daughter 20% of his money, along with many of her mother’s possessions and any items his son does not wish to inherit. He believes this is fair, given her financial stability and successful career. However, he anticipates she might feel slighted by this decision.
After sharing his intentions, OP is met with strong criticism from his extended family, particularly the women. They accuse him of misogyny and of punishing his daughter for her success. OP is taken aback, as he intended to compensate his son for his sacrifices.
An Uneven Legacy
OP is left to ponder the equity of his decision. He wonders if the backlash is a sign that he should reconsider the distribution of his assets. The discrepancy in his will reflects the uneven sacrifices made by his children.
A Father’s Dilemma
Torn between wanting to support his son and not wanting to hurt his daughter, OP faces a difficult decision. He is aware of the sacrifices his son made for the family and wants to ensure he is taken care of. Yet, he also recognizes his daughter’s efforts.
Weighing the Scales
OP considers the balance of his decision, weighing his son’s sacrifices against his daughter’s success. He knows his son forfeited opportunities to support the family while his daughter worked tirelessly to achieve her goals.
A Legacy of Love
OP reflects on the love and support each child has provided, acknowledging that their paths have been markedly different. He wants his will to be a final act of love and support, ensuring each child is cared for. He is conflicted, knowing that no decision will be perfect.
The Burden of Illness
OP’s lung cancer diagnosis means that time is of the essence, and he needs to finalize his will soon. The burden of his illness weighs heavily on his mind as he contemplates the best course of action.
A Father’s Intentions
OP revisits his intentions, affirming that his primary goal is to express gratitude to his son for his sacrifices. He wants to ensure his son has opportunities in the future, acknowledging the years of caregiving and support. His love for both children is evident.
The backlash from his family has left OP feeling misunderstood. He did not anticipate the accusations of misogyny or that he would be perceived as punishing his daughter. He wrestles with these misconceptions.
Pressure to Reconsider
The criticism from his family puts pressure on OP to reconsider the distribution of his will. He is faced with the challenge of balancing fairness with his desire to support his son. The call for a 50/50 split looms large as he contemplates his next steps.
A Daughter’s Perspective
OP acknowledges that his daughter may see his decision as unfair, feeling that her accomplishments are being overlooked. He worries about the impact on their relationship and her perception of his love and support.
Seeking a Fair Resolution
OP is committed to finding a resolution that is fair and reflects his love for both children. He grapples with the implications of his decision, wanting to honor his son’s sacrifices while also acknowledging his daughter’s achievements.
Was The Father’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posted his story online for feedback and support from the unbiased internet community. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
One reader said, “Your son will need a leg up when resuming his life. Your daughter has hers. She can take her pick of sentimental items.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “Your son has put his life on hold for twelve years. He’s going to need a bit of help getting back on track. He’s significantly behind his sister in making a decent wage.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “If you don’t address the emotional significance of your financial decisions, your daughter will carry that after you have gone, and it will damage her relationship with your son. I don’t think that’s the legacy you want to leave?”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “The son could have spent as much time studying as he spent on minimum wage jobs while helping his parents, and he would be on his path to success. Even if he wasn’t academic, he could have gotten into a freelance trade like plumbing or website design. Their son just didn’t want to do anything else.”